Tori Turismo & the Sprinklers

Rolling Stone (Really)

2009-06-11T00:24:47Z

Okay so, when Rolling Stone started putting friggin Lady Gaga and Paramore on their cover, it was over. However, it was probably over a long time before that. Like when Metallica was on the best albums of the year last year but Acid Tongue was not, that was not okay.
Anyway, I've just been searching for new albums from atrists that I know and so far I have decided that I love the new Ben Kweller, and pretty much every one of his albums. I'm really not sure how I feel about the new DMB album. Their first singles were pretty dramatic songs, which I normally don't mind, but it just didn't sound like classic DMB to me. However, as I am getting through the rest of the album, I am sort of warming up.
The new Green Day album sounds just like the previous album, which I honestly was not really fond of and I am sad that their article in Rolling Stone is not very good. And I am also sad that they are still in their eyeliner phase.
Anyway, I'll post more as I listen more.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright.

2009-06-01T00:24:37Z

So, now it is summer and I am living at Ev's house. I have not spent single night in my parent's duplex and I rarely talk to them, except to deal with medical appointments and things like that. It's sort of sad because I think about how sad I will be one day when they are gone and I regret not really talking to them. I really hate thinking about that.
Anyway, I have not really done anything lately. I have been working, pretty much every day. I mean, summer is boring as hell because there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. But honestly, I enjoy sitting around and watching marathons of Phineas and Ferb with Julia and Emily. I like it a lot more than anticipating the weekends at home from Tallahassee.
I've had two dreams recently in which I chose to transfer from FSU to USF. The latest one was of me touring both the schools and then I decided to wear green and told everyone that it symbolized that fact that I was meant to go to USF. It is prety awful because I am trying really hard to miss FSU. But, I just can't. There is not really much for me to miss.
And so, that has been my summer so far.
I really don't want it to end.
I really don't want to have to decide to go back.

"You don't have to be on your own"

2009-04-28T02:49:57Z

I feel like I have been studying forever for my math exam tomorrow. I have worked through each practice exam section (there are four) about four or five, maybe even six times. I have watched about ten lectures online and written new notes for each. I have been getting pretty high scores on each of the sections, at least the last couple of times that I have done them. I hope that I do well tomorrow because I really work hard in that class, even though you cannot tell because I have an 85 in there. It just sucks because I know that I will get test anxiety and make it worse for myself.
On another note, Friday is my last day here and then it is home for the summer. I hope that this summer is awesome because this academis year has been really dificult and I do not know how I really feel about it, or how I feel about FSU. I know that I can do well here but I do know know if this place will let me live up to my full potential, especially with budget cuts and the fact that I got my second choice as a major. Also, I am hoping that I get this job at School For Young Children because it seems like the place for me. It is so cute there and I have my second interview on Wednesday. I just think that this school is inhibiting me from all of the things that I thought that I was going to do while I was in college. And then I think that maybe I am just not trying hard enough, which may or may not be the case.
It's frustrating to be an education major (Dani, you know) because everyone just assumes that it is an easy major and that I must be very intelligent. However, that may be the problem with our education system. People take it for granted and many, many people call it "glorified babysitting." You send your kids to a public daycare and they end up being doctors by chance? I think not.
I know that I can be really great at what I can do. but the thing is that I have to wonder if anyone else knows that or believes that as well.

tori_bo_bori @ 2009-04-05T12:06:00

2009-04-05T16:12:06Z

My parents lost their jobs. We are moving in a week. Well, really....they are moving in a week. I am just going home to pack my stuff this weekend and they will move it next week to some place that I have never seen before. And then, when I come home for summer, they will just give me an address and I can googlemaps it and find my new house.
I feel like my whole life sucks. It really, really sucks, I don't know hich major to choose. My parents don't have jobs. We are not going to have health insurance. How are they going to find jobs in this economy? They are not.
Whatever. It's not my life.

"It's all going on without you."

2009-04-01T16:36:01Z

I woke up this morning to go to my mentoring session, which was unpleasant because I had to walk in the rain to get to the building. When I got there, I remembered that it is Spring Break for the public schools in Leon County, and therefore, I did not have to mentor this morning.
So, I got back to my room and I was feeling weird because I have been seeing Facebook statuses of all of the schools that the seniors at King got accepted to. Shreya got into Princeton and Columbia. I was so sad and jealous last night because I know that I could have gotten into one of those schools too, if I had applied myself. I did not even slack to have fun in high school, I actually don't even know what I was doing.
So, I went on a mad hunt for grad schools. I have emailed about five different people at FSU to get an internship in a lab here for Fall. I have emailed the grad school admissions departments at Boston University, Boston College and Northeastern concerning admissions and applications. I found out that BU only takes 10 to 15 students a year for Psych grad school, which means that I have to stop slacking off and start working hard. This also means that I will have to stop pitying myself up here and actually focus on a greater goal.

I have to be more involved here. In high school, I was just so scared to get involved because I did not feel as if I had any talents compared with the rest of the student body. I trained for track team but never went to a meeting. I joined Speech and Debate freshman year, but stopped going to those meetings. I went to JSA meetings for a short while but stopped that too. I know that I could have been good at those things. I know it. But, I was just so afraid, which is sort of the case here. I know that I can do these things but I am afraid that I will not like the poeple or tings like that. I am good at things and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and I need to just get over it if I ever intend to accomplish anything.

I know that I can do this and I love Boston University so much already. I can do this.

"The sky is grey, the sand is grey, and the ocean is grey."

2009-03-24T15:22:40Z

Does God forgive me for things that I do not think that I have done wrong? Do I have to apologize for them first? If I apologize once and keep doing it, doesn't that mean that I am not really sorry? And if I am not really sorry, does that mean that I should be forgiven repeatedly, even if I am never really sorry?
My mother said that last time she went to confession, she wanted forgiveness for her divorce to her first husband. She said that she took the Lord's name in vain and she knew she should not have. Should she not have married him? She didn't know that it would end in divorce when she got married, obviously. She said that she was sorry that she was getting a divorce, but that she was even sorrier that she got married in the first place.
And when you confess something, doesn't that mean that you recognize that you have done something wrong and you regret it or that you are sorry for it? What if a woman divorces her husband because he beats her? Should she forgive him because that is what good Christians do? Should she endure that treatment because you have to love everyone and divorce is wrong?
Christopher said: "You are seeing everything in black and white. But, the whole world is grey. That is your favorite color, isn't it?"
Is God a grey area? Really?
I just don't understand why there are certain rules for a religion and also, do people follow them just in case? Just in case there is a Heaven and they might end up in some pit of fire?
Everyone commits sins. Why are they wrong? I mean, the virtues are what constitute our conscience. I know that I should not murder anyone or steal or take from the poor or be greedy or anything like that. I read a lot of articles online last night about what sins are and why they are sins and how you can prevent them and I was so confused. You should not have premarrital sex or sex that does not result in a child, is what one of the pages said. It said that this was a sin because it is taking advantage of Earthly pleasures and that is greedy. I don't really know why, I mean, logically, you should not do this because it could result in a child that no one can afford or that won't be raised in a family environment and will not be a well rounded individual, right? That makes sense to me. But like, taking advantage of a body? I mean, I would not have sex if it were without love, but many people do it everyday and go without a second thought. But, I guess they can be forgiven.
Also, there are kids here at college that are basically killing themselves with drugs and alcohol every night. Is that a sin? What would that be categorized? So, it is wrong for someone to have sex with someone that they love but not them to get really drunk and sick and etc?

What the heck does this all mean anyway? I am really confused as to what I am supposed to believe here and Chris suggested that if I really am concerned and so on, that I should go to the Catholic church and talk to a priest because most of the concerns that I have are due to beliefs in the Catholic religion. And my mom wants me to go to church with her on Easter and I don't really know that I can because I really don't know if I believe what they believe. My mom says that she loves church and she wants to go and that it is important to her, but we never went to church and she never even cared about the state of my soul or whatever until she found out about this preschool that I am supposed to be working at.
I just don't understand how I am supposed to save my soul or whatever if I don't believe that I am harming it in the first place. I always try to be the best person that I can be and I try to do the right thing at any time. Everyone lies sometimes and I know that I m really sorry when I do but that sometimes in life, it is a necessary thing.
When I was at lunch with my dad the other day, he said that he does believe in God. But he said, "It is like many people say. God pushes all of our buttons just to see how far he can push us and what we will do in the end."
I just want to figure this out because it has really been driving me crazy and making me upset lately.

"Unconsciously, probably, I was painting the loneliness of a large city."

2009-03-23T15:57:37Z

First of all, I would like to say that I love Gilmore Girls.
More importantly, I would like to say that my life is always a mess. I was just offered a job as a preschool teacher and I am supposed to start at one this afternoon. It is in a Christian academy, which I was unaware of until a few hours ago. I called my mom to talk about this and she said that she wants me to be confirmed and she wants me to go to church with her on Easter and all of these things. She has never been religious and all of the sudden she is going on this rant about how I am Catholic, whether I like it or not. My parents have never pushed me to be religious, not ever. I mean, it's not that I do not believe in God, I just am not really sure what I believe in. Maybe this will be good for me. I'm supposed to read the Bible to these kids every day, which could be very interesting. Maybe I wil learn about myself and what I do believe in. I just feel like it is weird that I am going to be teaching these kids about something that I really don't even know anything about. Also, I feel weird putting these ideas in their heads and trying to teach them something that I am not sure that I even believe. It is just a weird concept, but it is worth trying. Everything is worth trying.
On a different note, I am not even sure that I want to stay at FSU. I feel like I have to compromise my dreams and my ideas to be here and while my mother and grandfather push me and say that FSU is more prestigious than USF, I really don't believe that. I mean, the only reason why FSU is more well known is because of our sports teams and lately they have not even been that good. The last thing that I heard was that our football team was in trouble for cheating and that they wanted to take away Bowden's wins for the last two years. Wow, now I am proud to be a Nole. I mean, I do love it here. AND not only for the cinema. (I love you, Kheva.) The school is pretty and the weather is nice (except for the cold!) and I am actually doing well here. I just miss the parts of my life where I knew exactly what was coming and when and what to expect and how to get anywhere and things like that. I miss my friends and I know that if I move back, that does not mean that they are all going to be there. I just miss my life in my senior year of high school because I was comfortable and even though there were a few things that were sort of messed up, I loved it. I loved my life and my job and I was happy.
I know that I can be happy here, but it took me three years to be happy in high school, so what is to say that it will not take the same amount of time here?
Anyway, there are a few other weird things that have happened lately but I guess that I should not post them online.
:D

Diamonds & Guns

2009-03-16T17:16:49Z

I am eating microwave popcorn at FSU. I did not get my first choice for Elementary Education, but I did get my second, which was Early Childhood Education. I guess that means that I am supposed to stay here and do what I had originally intended, which is to double major in psychology as well. I just feel like all of the doors for me here are closed and it is really discouraging to always be the second best for everything that I try for.
It is raining here and my Child Psych class was cancelled for this afternoon, which means that I can stay in my dorm for the rest of the day and maybe start to read my Bob Dylan biography.
What to do?
Dunno.

"Home, home again. I like to be here when I can."

2009-03-07T01:36:19Z

I'm home now for break and I am bored, a bit. I finished The Lovely Bones. I took Panda to the vet today because his front paws were bleeding so badly. The vet said that he could have cancer or that he could just be allergic to something, which is what I am hoping for.

I feel like everything is going wrong lately because there has been so much pressure put on me. I am hoping that this break will help me out, but I have to wait til the end of break to see if I get into the college of education, and that is unsettling. Anyway, I haven't really done much today. I went running when I got back from the vet's office and I guess that it helped some. I used to really love running because it made me feel free and clear my head but since I've been up at FSU, I haven't gone running once. It seems like it would be too creepy to go there in the evenings and by that point I am tired and wired to the television, which is just lazy. I did not mean to become lazy in college, but I can't say that I am the happiest person there, nor I am the saddest.
I've been trying, and that is true.
Now I am just sitting at home, waiting for someone to call me back or for Chris to text and say that his band competition is over. I'm tired of reading right now.

Please, please don't drag me down.

2009-03-04T21:34:30Z

Fuck.
That's how I feel. I am so over trying to make it at FSU. Everything that I have tried for this year has been a dead end and I am tired of always having to take the most difficult path to get anywhere. I'm tired as hell of trying and I know that "it will make me a stronger person." I don't want to be a stronger person. I just want to get somewhere. I just want to get out of this stupid place that I am in in my life right now. I feel like college is waste of time but I know that I can't get anywhere without it. I think it is stupid that they are making huge budget cuts here, many of which are in the department of Education. What the hell? I am so tired of worrying about things, and I guess this supposed to be what being an adult is but I thought that college was suppose to be a blast. I am not having a blast.
I don't want this anxiety to get the better of me and I already know that I am being standoffish towards people, but I am so weighed down right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
"The harder that you try, baby, the further you'll fall."

It's getting really difficult to be optimistic about this situation.

I'm ready for SB already!

2009-03-02T18:23:26Z

So, this weekend was interesting. It started with the 3D Jonas Brothers experience and ended with Kheva and I crying over The Girls Next Door.
I'm just ready to get home to Tampa. however, I have so many things that I want to do that it sucks that we have only one week for Spring Break. I mean, one of those days I have a doctor's appointment and one of them I have a four hour job interview, which should be interesting. I wish that they would give us longer, but I guess that the sooner that we get back here, the sooner summer will start, which I am A-OK with,
I turned in my application for the Elementary Education program here. I am nervous that I won't get in because I was not offered an RA job, which was a great blow to my pride. I hope that I will get in because this school has really ruined a lot of my plans. They won't let me double major and so now I have to take summer classes at USF to do so. I just feel like everything that I try to do here is a dead end, and it drives me pretty nuts. I even called UF to see if they would let me do the double major, but they said no as well, and so now it just feels like the world is out to block me, which is actually sort of exhilarating because it is a battle that I know that I will win.
Anyway, it seems like the weekends here are short and there is not really anything to do because everything on campus is closed and Tallahassee is a lame place, as well as every other college town. I don't drink and I don't party, which means that my options are limited as far as weekend plans go. I know that this is not all of the reason why I look forward to weekends in Tampa, but I can at least say that it is partially the reason why I look forward to weekends in Tampa. I finished my book this weekend and started another, which is pretty good, considering that I just started Killing Yourself to Live last week. Anyway, I made a list of books that I would like to read this year, and I know that it is a lot but I figure that I never made a New Year's resolution, and this is one that I cannot forget, at least not while I have a list looming over my head.
1. The Lovely Bones-Alice Sebold (3/6/09)
2. A Living History- Hilary Clinton
3. A Long Way Home- Ishmael Beah
4. LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring- Tolkien
5. LOTR: The Two Towers-Tolkien
6. LOTR: Return of the King- Tolkien
7. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
8. Love is a Mix Tape- Rob Sheffield
9. The Screwtape Letters- C.S. Lewis
10. Water for Elephants- Sara Gruen
11. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe- C.S Lewis
12. Prince Caspian- Lewis
13. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader-Lewis
14. The Silver Chair-Lewis
15. The Horse and His Boy-Lewis
16. The Magician's Nephew- Lewis
17. the Last Battle- Lewis
18. Animal Farm- George Orwell
19. Wicked- Gregory Maguire
20. Son of a Witch- Maguire
21. Lion Among Men- Maguire
22. Mirror Mirror- Maguire
23. Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister- Maguire

That is all that I can think of right now, but I am sure that I will add more to the list. I also am aware that anyone who is reading this entry probably read most of these books in elementary and middle school. I just never got around to reading The Chronicles of Narnia or the Lord of the Rings books, but everyone says that I really should, and so I will. I figure that it is like any subject that you take, in that you have to start with the easy stuff before you can move on. However, I have read Jane Eyre and Robinson Crusoe and Wuthering Heights and so on, so I feel like I am sort of working backwards, but whatever.
I guess that is all that has been going on lately, really.

The sun is up, I'm so happy I could scream!

2009-02-21T22:54:24Z

Christopher is on his way to Tallahassee and I am freaking out and I only got a few hours of sleep last night and my stomach feels like it used to feel when I was a kid on Christmas Eve. This is so weird and I am excited.
(I also miss Dani and hope she is feeling better, even if her brother is a douche bag.)
<3

"I started out down a dirty road.."

2009-02-20T15:20:18Z

SO, Chris is coming up to Talahassee on Saturday night and leaving on Sunday. At first, I thought that this was the dumbest idea ever because it was supposed to be that Ev would just take him up here and back there but his dad insisted that he take Chris up here after his class at UF on Saturday. I still don't believe it will happen because I am always the one to go to Tampa and see him, but maybe it will actually happen. I will believe it if he gets here. Anyway, Ev and I have been getting along so well lately because....I don't know why. But I do know that he is one of my best friends and I am the first person that he calls when he is upset and that I like this relationship so much more than any other one that we had before. This one actually works and we fit- but just as best friends, which is great. This means that there will be lots of fighting games and movie watching in our future, and I am so ready to accept that. He is an awesome guy, afterall.
I would also like to point out how appreciative I am for Dani because she will wake up and six in the morning to look stuf up ojn google for me....yeah.
It seems like the only thing there ever is to watch on TV is Spongebob, or the Suite Life of Zach and Cody, but that show is not good and so really, there is only Spongebob. It's a funny show, but really, how many hours of it can you watch before you want to throw yourself out a window? I am on the fifth flooor of my building, so let's hope that I do reach that point.

I guess that I really did not have much to say, but that I just wanted to update.
I hope that something more interesting happens so that I can post.
We shall see what happens on Saturday!

"Everyone is less mysterious than they think they are"

2009-02-19T02:52:18Z

I saved that picture a long time ago because it reminded me of Dani, and I am not even sure that we were talking then. Anyway, I have has a weird day and it only seems to rain when I step outside and am halfway to my class without an umbrella. I've got to try to be optimistic here, even though lots of things aren't looking that way right now. I've been really trying to like FSU and everything, it is just that sometimes it is difficult because I feel alone up here and it seems like all of the things that I look forward to are in Tampa. The grass is always greener on the other side though, right?
"Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free."

I sure am trying.